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The World of Disabilities in Relationships

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When you are in a long-term relationship there are numerous stages or milestones you will reach together. Many of them are expected – some we anticipate with excitement, others with dread. Then there are obstacles we come up against that are not part of the plan. These issues were on the list of things that could happen but maybe (hopefully) they wouldn’t happen to us: infertility, infidelity, physical trauma, and disease. The journey that Ian and I have been on since my spinal cord injury has been one that even my anxious imagination could not have invented. We have been tested and our eyes have been opened to an entire world that we didn’t really know existed: the world of disability in romantic relationships.

Ian would tell you the first thing he noticed about me (back in 2002) was my smile. I was instantly drawn to his kind eyes. Initial attraction is the easy part, right? But even after fifteen years, three kids and one spinal cord injury, attraction is not an issue. At fifteen years old there is still so much growing up to do; so many people worry about getting together too young. But when you find someone who fits so perfectly in your life, someone who knows all of your stories and yet still finds you interesting, someone who loves you at your very worst and awaits your readiness to help you get to your very best, well that’s someone you decide to grow old with.

Ian is quiet and a bit mysterious and I would challenge anyone who says they know him well; I’m not sure anyone really does, besides me. He encourages me to accept myself for who I am, to have patience for my own inadequacies, and to give myself credit for the strengths that I struggle to see I possess. Since my accident, there hasn’t been one second where he has given me reason to believe that he has lost interest in me or our marriage. Any anxieties that I had about him leaving were mostly because of high statistics I read about divorce after SCI and my own imagination getting the better of me. I talked about our relationship in a previous post called Just You, Me And My Wheelchair but I wanted to talk more about the public perception of our marriage and other relationships where a spinal cord injury is involved.

Recently I had my first experience where I felt as though someone pre-emptively judged our relationship based on my wheelchair. We were at the gym (where we had been numerous times before) and out of nowhere, a manager came over and introduced himself. He began congratulating us on our training and asking questions about what we have been doing and how long, etc. To be honest, I was already having an emotional day and I didn’t understand why he had come over to talk to us in the first place. It felt like he was digging for something so I told him he was catching me on a bad day and attempted to end the conversation. I must have somehow alluded to the fact that Ian is my husband because all of a sudden the manager looked a bit stunned and uncomfortable. He stammered out a few words similar to “oh, oh ok, oh, so you two are married”. It was kind of a statement, kind of a question and definitely awkward. As we fumbled through the rest of the conversation we discovered that he was concerned Ian was my trainer and you cannot bring your own trainer to the gym.

I imagine this man sees couples in the gym all of the time. I also imagine he doesn’t corner them all and question the nature of their relationship. In that moment, I felt stripped of some arbitrary right I had to be considered ‘enough’: woman enough, human enough, and able enough to be someone’s wife. I was so close to tears by the time he walked away that we left to go home after accomplishing nothing. I barely made it to the car before I started sobbing.

The drive home was silent. Once we were home my son informed me that he thought I had pink eye. “No, really Daddy! Look at her eyes.” His concern was endearing and brought momentary relief from the reality of our afternoon. Then Ian did something that I never would have expected, he called the gym and asked to speak to the manager. He explained to him that we were hurt by his assumptions and wanted an explanation as to why we were singled out. The manager was incredibly apologetic, which we both appreciated, but the experience has officially skewed the optimistic view I once had about the way people see our marriage.

It’s a bit of a cruel truth that you can have a thousand people build you up to have just one bring you down. Until this encounter, we hadn’t dealt too much with any obvious judgement towards our marriage. We get a lot of comments surrounding my husband’s superhero-like loyalty because it is evidently baffling to some people that a marriage could continue to thrive after such a major event. There are many people who have told me that they don’t believe their marriage would last through a trauma like mine. All of this apparently leads to the conclusion that my husband is a saint. Now, I love Ian and I agree that he is an amazing man, but not because he is still married to me. I don’t believe that he stays because it’s considered the right thing to do. I actually like to believe I bring some qualities to the table that benefit his life and our marriage.

He says that with everything that has happened, I am not selfish in my grief. That I believe this injury has happened to both of us and on the days that he struggles I am there to encourage him, give him space and pick up the slack wherever I can. On days where we both struggle, we do our best, together, to make it through the day. He will tell you that I’m funny and can make him smile without effort. I am his best friend and he can talk to me in a way that he can’t talk to anyone else. He says that I can read our children better than anyone and that when he might lose his patience, I am able to see more of the situation and understand what might really be upsetting them. He thinks I’m beautiful.

Disabilities in romantic relationships

Sasha Blaney Photography

I won’t sit here and tell you that our marriage is exactly the same now as it was before my accident. A lot of it is, but to say there hasn’t been change and loss would be lying. Ian went from having a fully independent wife to having a wife who, for a time, needed help even to sit up. As the months have gone on, his involvement in my care has become less and less. At this point, it is mostly with certain transfers and some clothing choices that I can’t get on myself (which I realize I could stop wearing but I don’t want to). One of his biggest struggles is knowing when to help and when to step back and let me do it on my own. A lot of the times he helps me in order to save time; we have three children and are almost always running late for something. But we are gradually feeling that the roles in our relationship are less upside-down and more just a bit sideways. While we have adjusted a lot of aspects to our life, we have never quit on each other and we have never felt like we were losing our marriage. Until this little conversation at the gym, it hadn’t really occurred to me that other people may not understand that.

There are countless couples in the world where at least one partner has a disability. This was reassuring for me as I started to recover but I find it sad that so many able-bodied people would find these relationships difficult to understand. The stereotypes that surround disability certainly play into the misconceptions. This scene from The Office sums up what I’m talking about quite well.

Disabilities in romantic relationships

Michael Scott never fails to disappoint. Billy is the man in the wheelchair and his girlfriend has just walked away from the table. This is the conversation that follows:
Michael: Billy, your nurse is hot.
Billy: That’s my girlfriend.
Michael: Your nurse became your girlfriend? Sweet.
Billy: She was never my nurse. I met her at Chili’s. She was my waitress.
Michael: Chili’s is great.

It’s awkward to watch (like all things Michael Scott are) but the premise behind the scene is incredibly accurate when it comes to the general perception of disabilities within romantic relationships. Still, I figured getting all of my information from a 10-second TV show clip was not necessarily the way I wanted to make my point (Season 2 Episode 22 for those who want to see it).  I wanted to know more. I contacted a few people I know to get their perspectives.

Leanne Lavender is a woman I have connected with online whose husband Derek suffered a spinal cord injury just a few months after I did in July 2016. She has a great blog that documents their life and one thing she wrote really resonated with me and what I’m trying to say.

Disabilities in romantic relationships

Leanne & Derek | Lavender’s Long Shot

“You can either choose to get to know your spouse through the change or refuse to adjust your thinking. You chose them initially for a reason, so choose them every day by embracing who they are becoming”

I completely agree with her statement above. When you choose your partner, you are deciding to grow with them and change with them and love them through the life that you are venturing through together. Leanne and Derek have clearly made a choice to tackle their unexpected storyline with tenacity, grace and love.

She has said that their experience with public perception has been similar to ours. She finds that most people are very kind and helpful. She has also received comments of her being a true saint for staying with Derek but dismisses them because the thought that her husband is not worth staying with, because of a spinal cord injury, makes no sense. He is still the man that she chose. When I asked her to name one thing she loves about him she had this to say.

“I love his work ethic. He never complains about the early hours or late nights. He’s always the first to volunteer to help and always refuses to ask for anything in return.”

Leanne and Derek’s story is similar to our story in that they were already married at the time of Derek’s injury. I began to wonder about couples who meet after an injury has occurred. I talked to two local women who both met and married their respective husbands several years after their spinal cord injuries.

Yasaman Best was injured in 2002 and her injury is at the C6/7 level which she explains as having impairment from the chest down. She met her husband Rob online in 2006 and

Disabilities in romantic relationships

Yasaman & Rob | Carol-Ann Photography

they were married in 2010. They now have a two-year-old son. Rob says all he saw on their first date was a woman who was interested in travel, going back to school and getting a job. He loves her strength and the fact that she doesn’t let her disability get in her way.

Yasaman has had different experiences with public perception than I have. She says that many people refer to her as Rob’s friend even after he has used the word ‘girlfriend’ or ‘wife’. Some even just assume he is her caretaker. They have come up against questions surrounding her disability and why it is he would want to be with her and not with a ‘normal’ girl. It makes you realize that there is a lot that people don’t understand.

Jocelyn Maffin lost function below the T10 level (bellybutton down) at 19 years old. She was 32 when she met her husband Tod and they were married two years later. She didn’t

Disabilities in romantic relationships

Jocelyn & Tod | Sylvia McFadden

date much before meeting Tod as she found that dating was difficult because a lot of men struggled to get past the disability. She assumed that men thought she was un-datable and felt as though they saw her as an “asexual object of pity”. She says she was unable to see when someone was really interested in her as she assumed all men felt that she wasn’t desirable. Tod says her inability to know when someone is flirting with her is what delayed the beginning of their relationship (I had to laugh when he claimed that was her true disability and it should have a tax credit). He feels as though their marriage is truly no different than anyone else’s. He loves everything about her including her dimple and the fact that she is a science nerd (she has the periodic table memorized).

Jocelyn has found that there are lots of sideways glances in her and Tod’s direction when they are out together. She says he has been asked if she was ‘worth it’ on a couple of occasions but they don’t let those comments bother them. Jocelyn seems to struggle more with the misconceptions in the world of women with disabilities and how that could play into a romantic relationship. You should check out their podcasts Gimphacks

I think what I enjoyed most about these few stories was hearing the qualities that their spouses love about them. All of the reasons that were given could be just as easily said about someone who doesn’t have a disability. Because a spinal cord injury and a wheelchair does not inhibit one’s ability to love, provide comfort and be a partner in life. It just means we’re sitting down when we do it.

However it seems as though there are two ways that these romantic relationships get looked at: those who were together before an injury, and those who found each other after. When you stay together through an injury you get a gold medal for your effort. People understand the relationship because this happened to you and you were already together so it makes sense you would try and make it work. You also go through an emotional upheaval together and through a phase of healing and learning how to work around new limitations and struggles. You have to work to get back your independence and in the meantime you need things from one another that you never needed before. It’s a battle but it’s totally worth it when you are with the person you want to be with.

When you start a romantic relationship after an injury it seems that the perception changes. Questions arise surrounding the motivation for the relationship, as it is difficult for some people to understand what could be attractive about someone with a spinal cord injury. But you have to remember that when people meet some time after an injury, a lot of the healing has taken place. The person in the chair has found their independence and is already living their life without a significant other. They are looking for a partner to share their life with just like anyone else.

My goal in this post is to show that meaningful, loving and important relationships can occur between so many different types of people. I felt judged in my marriage the other day and it hurt me more than so many other things have before. My relationship with Ian and the life that we have built together is my biggest accomplishment and I am fiercely protective of it. And while it truly doesn’t matter what other people think, it still hurt me to feel that from someone else’s point of view I didn’t appear to be enough. Thankfully my husband makes me feel otherwise. I am woman enough, human enough and able enough. Our marriage is more than good enough.

 

 

 

 

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84 comments

hpunnett August 16, 2017 - 6:41 pm

Moving….and quite wonderful.

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Kaycee September 25, 2017 - 6:46 am

Yeah it sure was

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auntierain September 25, 2017 - 12:22 pm

When you allow God into your life, whatever place your life is in, you will only be a champion in every aspect of your life

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williextra October 10, 2017 - 3:37 am

True

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Connie Walters August 16, 2017 - 8:34 pm

You left out a relationship scenario: In 2015 my boyfriend and I were in a motorcycle accident where we both sustained SCIs. He’s a T9 para and I’m a C4 incomplete. We’re both in wheelchairs, still together and stronger than ever 😊

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Codi Darnell August 16, 2017 - 8:35 pm

That’s awesome! I know a few couples who are both in chairs. I’ll have to focus on that next time. Thanks for the comment 🙂

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lordbishal September 25, 2017 - 8:32 am

That’s because you both went through it together

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helensamia August 16, 2017 - 9:41 pm

My husband of 35 years is my rock .. the last two years since I bacame paralysed has shown how atrong our relationship is 💙❤️

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Rebecca August 16, 2017 - 10:03 pm

My husband and I have been married for 21 years and have two teenage children (whom I have homeschooled). Hubby has muscular dystrophy and while he isn’t in a wheelchair (yet) his physical abilities have always been impaired and becoming moreso as time goes on. I was aware of all this – although I think as young ones you don’t give a huge amount of thought to the future, believing in our mortality so to speak. I was diagnosed a year after our wedding with Fibromyalgia (an invisible disability) – although it didn’t really start to hugely impact until 2010. Since then I’ve gone downhill and now it does affect me negatively on a daily basis. I’ve still managed to be a Scout leader for 8 1/2 yrs and homeschooler and wife and everything else. With this chronic pain condition my ‘romantic’ inclinations have pretty much zeroed and I give thanks every day that my husband loves and cherishes me enough that it doesn’t matter. (Now that’s not to say that I don’t feel guilty about it still on occasion). He still tells me every day how lucky he is to have me as his wife and how good I am to him! We see past our disabilities/inabilities to the actual person inside – for that is really the only thing that matters. Our spirits – who we truly are! Thank you for putting yourself and your family out there – I came across you about two weeks ago and look forward to learning more about you in future. xxx

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270daysaroundtheworld September 25, 2017 - 5:12 am

lovely 🙂

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The Traveller September 25, 2017 - 5:23 am

Wonderful read. I hope and pray the best for you and those mentioned in your post.

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Kaycee September 25, 2017 - 6:45 am

Yeah me too. This blog makes me wanna cry…

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Cheche Estanilla September 25, 2017 - 5:30 am

Very nice! Learned a lot!

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Kaycee September 25, 2017 - 6:44 am

Me too. Really wonderful💑

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The World of Disabilities in Relationships – OUR MODERN LIFE September 25, 2017 - 5:47 am

[…] Source: The World of Disabilities in Relationships […]

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williextra October 10, 2017 - 3:38 am

Its a blessing ready through..

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Adelso Bausdorf - Bildender Künstler September 25, 2017 - 5:59 am

No hay que rendirse nunca!

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cat h bradley September 25, 2017 - 6:42 am

“When you choose your partner, you are deciding to grow with them and change with them and love them through the life that you are venturing through together.”
Reading your story made me shuffle through in my mind all the different ways my husband and i have grown and changed the past 6 years we have been together. All the change is a part of our winding path–lots of ups and downs and we are never sure what is coming next. What has always been there with the growth for us though is strength–and I can see that here in the amazing journey you’ve shared with us. I am grateful for your story–it gives me courage. So many of us think, “Life would be over if…” but stories like yours show us that we can not only go on–but thrive, and live to be the amazing examples of strength and love that people really need to see.

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Kaycee September 25, 2017 - 6:44 am

Happy ending… This was so heart warming…. Beautiful… Stunningly beautiful…. Nice story with powerful lessons and meaning… Loved it

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themysteriouswomansite September 25, 2017 - 7:08 am

Wonderful.

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themysteriouswomansite September 25, 2017 - 7:08 am

Also, please do see my blog 🙂 Thankyou

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Wee Lassie Fae Scotland September 25, 2017 - 7:34 am

Incredibly moving. Love the style of writing and of course, your strength to go through something like that.

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aly12willi September 25, 2017 - 8:01 am

Waou!!! We may keep in mind that when we love someone it’s because of what we feel with him and not his appearance!

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lordbishal September 25, 2017 - 8:31 am

Well that’s true

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adreamy1 September 25, 2017 - 8:34 am

This was a fantastic post. I’m very happy for you. All the very best for everything that awaits you two and your kids!

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L'histoire de ma vie September 25, 2017 - 9:46 am

Perfect !!

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blackprivilege September 25, 2017 - 12:31 pm

Such a insightful read ! I love it !!!

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The World of Disabilities in Relationships – kbadamsonsfavoriteblogs September 25, 2017 - 2:52 pm

[…] Source: The World of Disabilities in Relationships […]

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thekintsukuroilife September 25, 2017 - 4:28 pm

As the wife of a man who had two legs when we got married and now has one, and as the new amputee in my wheelchair now sitting next to my amputee with his prosthetic, I completely understand the judgement and the weird and awkward questions and looks. And they do get old.

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desireedera September 25, 2017 - 7:56 pm

Really wonderful 👌

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Reena Rosetty September 25, 2017 - 9:04 pm

I’m happy for you. Very inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

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The World of Disabilities in Relationships — Help Codi Heal – musnadjia423wordpress September 26, 2017 - 2:18 am

[…] via The World of Disabilities in Relationships — Help Codi Heal […]

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Dewy September 26, 2017 - 3:55 am

Great post. The most beautiful thing about disability is what comes out of it. I’ve taken clients out and despite their disability their personality comes shining through and after awhile you only see them as Sam or George etc (made up names ) not a person with a disability. I l

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Dewy September 26, 2017 - 3:56 am

*I love spending time with them.

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The World of Disabilities in Relationships | Campbells World September 26, 2017 - 5:25 am

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sadzidaramov8 September 26, 2017 - 5:47 am

Wonderful. 👏

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themysteriouswomansite September 26, 2017 - 6:39 am

http://themysteriouswomansite.wordpress.com
Please do checkout my blog as well 😀

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Broken, Brave, & Beautiful September 26, 2017 - 6:56 am

Very true and inspirational! Love this so much!

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Kidney care September 26, 2017 - 8:58 am

AWSOme.I can understand your feelings.You described it in a beautiful way

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Love 💝❤️💝 – dayanarobinson September 26, 2017 - 10:39 am

[…] The World of Disabilities in Relationships […]

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marandarussell September 26, 2017 - 2:46 pm

Beautiful post and love story! I’m a fellow chronic illness blogger, and while I am not in a wheelchair, with my CFS flare-ups, I often find myself bedridden for periods of time or having to rest after the slightest effort, even just crossing a room. Like you, I at first worried about my husband possibly leaving because of the ridiculously high rate of divorce among those suffering from chronic illness, but I knew that was never really likely to happen. He is simply too loyal and loving to treat me like that just because of a silly thing like physical illness. I’ve found that one thing that really gets to me is other people’s attitude towards my illness in general. So many don’t believe in CFS or think it is just being “chronically tired”. Man, I wish it were!

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Codi Darnell September 26, 2017 - 2:48 pm

Thanks for sharing! I was diagnosed with CFS as a teenager but thankfully my adolescence is where I left it. So glad you seem to have a strong support system in your husband.

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ournextchapterweb September 26, 2017 - 4:20 pm

Glad I found your page…..this made me feel as if I’m not alone. Our situations are different….my husband has MS, but its nice to see other couples making things work in a positive way!!

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speakunspokenly September 26, 2017 - 4:48 pm

Wow this is truly beautiful! I have to say, stumbling upon this article was perfect timing. I have Multiple Sclerosis and suffering with anxiety and I’m 25 years old. I’m unable to work and last few months have been torture getting on disability. I always think to myself will I ever get married , will a man ever love me for who I am and what hurts more is that it’s not always visibly seen so I’m constantly feeling judged as well. But your words were truly touching💜 And this inspires me to keep writing and making something of myself as a woman ! Xo

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The World of Disabilities in Relationships – Kristalin Davis' Musings on the Human Condition September 26, 2017 - 6:58 pm

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mahimajalan September 26, 2017 - 9:25 pm

Such a moving post.. true love do exist❤️

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rolandlegge September 27, 2017 - 10:19 am

What powerful stories of love! Thank you for sharing stories of love that see the person and not the disability.

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aquestinqueerparenting September 27, 2017 - 4:14 pm

This is a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

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brmiller5997 September 27, 2017 - 6:32 pm

Amazing and truly deep. Great read!

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poorhouselove September 27, 2017 - 7:07 pm

Hi!! Thanks for this awesome article!
My partner happens to be a C5/6 quadriplegic- we met after his accident. I had actually been married prior but when I met Riley, it was like I was home. It was love at first site and we have been infatuated ever since.
Both of us chose to throw all of our vulnerabilities aside and just go with our gut, our love, our confidence that we could do this. I write about our general life happenings on my blog, https://poorhouseloveblog.wordpress.com, but I also write to normalize disability. I am not a saint, he is not a hero… we are complex human beings in a complex normal relationship. Loved your post. Would love to connect at some point!
Andrea

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Codi Darnell September 27, 2017 - 7:48 pm

Thanks for reading! I love that outlook of “I am not a saint, he is not a hero”. Such a normalizing statement.

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Sananda September 27, 2017 - 9:45 pm

Thank you for sharing these beautiful stories. There is a stigma on dating a disabled person which I find is even more harsh on disabled women. I’ve used a wheelchair on, off and on again at different periods of my life and I’ve had significantly different experiences each period with how guys approach me or show signs of interest. Unfortunately, most men have a difficult time seeing pass the wheelchair.
This article helps to sheds light on the issue and brings wheelchair users into the narrative as viable counterparts. It’s a topic that is more invisible than the inclusion of the disability community as a whole. Hopefully, as we continue to be accepting of other communities the world will also shed the limits placed on the value of disable people.

Here’s to evolution♿️🥂💝

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Cinderella Queen September 28, 2017 - 7:47 am

This is such a romantic love story by which true love really exists. Love conquers all. 😉😍

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Scooter Shooter September 28, 2017 - 1:16 pm

My marriage did not survive me becoming disabled by a type of motor neurone disease (or Lou Gehrig’s) but I now have a wonderful girlfriend who I share my life with. If I hadn’t become ill I would never have met her.

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The World of Disabilities in Relationships — Help Codi Heal | sueshan123blog September 28, 2017 - 7:27 pm

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jamescoff September 30, 2017 - 6:23 am

Wow! Beautiful story,true love weight

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Wreckless September 30, 2017 - 12:30 pm

My wife is disabled from MS and spinal injuries. She spends her days in a power chair. I may not be as noble as Ian because I asked many questions to understand her MS before I asked her to marry me. We did not know about her spinal injuries then, but in asking about the MS, I knew she could become immobilized in time. I asked only to be well informed. I was in love with her and could not imagine my life without her. Today, 23 year later, I am more in love with her than ever. We see it as just the way our life is. This is our normal. Other people don’t understand it, or us, because it is not their normal. They just don’t understand us. I would not and could not imagine my life any other way than as Pam’s husband.

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Codi Darnell September 30, 2017 - 12:34 pm

Thanks for sharing! I would expect you want to be well informed before going into a marriage with anyone and I would think nothing less of you for making sure you understood the situation. Ian and I were thrown into this together and had no choice but to learn together. All the best!

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Wreckless September 30, 2017 - 12:44 pm

I am showing your site to Pam. We will be following. You are in our prayers.

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Angela October 1, 2017 - 10:27 am

Thank you for this post. My hubby and I married many years after I was paralyzed. We have encountered some of the attitudes you’ve mentioned.

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amariemarton October 1, 2017 - 10:28 am

Love this post! Looking forward to exploring your blog more. My hubby and I were married many years after I was paralyzed.

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taysinfinitethoughts October 1, 2017 - 4:08 pm

This is a beautiful post and I’m so glad to have come across it.

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aileenmlawrimore October 1, 2017 - 6:24 pm

Fantastic!

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rida yumn ahmed October 2, 2017 - 6:27 am Reply
Christopher Snell October 3, 2017 - 5:05 am

There is a lot of deep devotion being expressed in these pictures.
Just remember that all relationships regardless of perspective, needs that nurturing space to grow.
My blessings to you both.

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heartshapedlifeblog October 3, 2017 - 5:51 am

Great entry and I totally agree on your thoughts. I have quite similar experiences. My fiancé and I met four year ago. He met me without knowing that I just have half of my heart, I am disabled since my birth. The problem here is that you cant actually see that I am disabled, I do look like a “normal” 24 year old woman and I try to do everything all the other girls do at my age. And that is the challenging part. For some of my fiancés family members it was and still is hard to understand. Tjey dont understand why he has to help me a lot in our every day routine, that I am sick quite a lot and have to go to the hospital regularly. At tje beginning his mum was scared that I could stop him from doing aat he wants, that I am just a nriden for him and his life. I am his biggest supporter but still I am scared of telling them when I am feeling sick, when something is going wrong because I just cant handle the feeling of not being understood or fully respected by is family.
We both are more than happy, going to marry next year, no matter what others think or say. I just jope for everyone with any disease os disability to find someone who respects and love them for what they are, no matter what. If thats the case…your love is all that counts!:) <3

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Codi Darnell October 3, 2017 - 6:30 am

All that matters is the two of you. All the best to you both!

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Infinitehope October 4, 2017 - 9:04 am

Your story is so much like mine I enjoyed every bit of indulging in it. Thank you for sharing.

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jessicatbeauty October 6, 2017 - 11:28 am

What a beautiful, insightful and well written post. It’s sad that people often don’t see how their ignorant, baseless assumptions and misconceptions can negatively impact a person. I follow a tetraplegic YouTuber called Jordan Bone, you should check her out! She’s opened my eyes (and lots of others) about the wide range of SCIs and how different and complicated their effects can be. Wishing you lots of love, joy and success ✨ xoxo

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InkedShrink October 8, 2017 - 3:22 pm

Thank you Codi for sharing this! So powerful and beautiful. So many things we take for granted and assume. It’s good to be reminded of what others experience

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bad2core October 9, 2017 - 11:57 am

Great story. I think you two can overcome anything together.

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miriamcarmignan October 10, 2017 - 4:51 pm

Belíssimos! Adorei seu relato. Convivo com um grupo de pessoas com deficiências, em virtude de vários fatores. Eles são felizes de jeito que são. Se amam, são desportistas, se encontram, convivem numa harmonia única. Casaram, tiveram filhos… Enfim… Amor, fidelidade, tolerância, participação ativa na sociedade sendo como são. Carinhoso abraço. miriamcarmignan. wordpress.com Buscando Sol. Inclusive tenho um post falando sobre eles.

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Eric October 11, 2017 - 3:45 pm

This is an amazing post. Thank you for the honesty and perspective.

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mick25117 October 15, 2017 - 11:50 pm

True love is of the heart, soul and personality. To love someone the same had you been blind since birth

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The World of Disabilities in Relationships | D.E. Cantor October 24, 2017 - 6:48 pm

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Kedy October 25, 2017 - 1:45 am

MARVELOUS! Give the world the best you have, and the best will come to you! I want you to know that I really appreciate your efforts. Keep it up!

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askagimp October 31, 2017 - 7:46 am

You took the words right out of my mouth. Whenever someone tells me that I’m lucky my husband stayed after I became a wheelchair user, it makes me sad for them. When my husband said “in sickness and in health”, he meant it, but these people doubt that their spouse would stay with them. Not only are they rude enough to say something so awful, apparently they don’t feel comfortable with their own marriage.

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True Love is Wheelchair Accessible | askagimp October 31, 2017 - 7:48 am

[…] via The World of Disabilities in Relationships — Help Codi Heal […]

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risingstaryukti November 26, 2017 - 7:45 am

You are beautiful ! You are gorgeous ! absolutely stunning ! I love you and your story. I know that you are strong and your mind is even stronger. Everyone goes through tough times and this might be yours. But you are handling it so gracefully ! Keep up your spirits and love yourself as you always did. You will definitely heal soon. Love you .

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réalise toi March 2, 2018 - 1:12 pm

I love my girlfriend,, but after her accident, everything change between us!! my gilfriend were not able to walk normally again!!! I try to love her like i did in the past but am so confused because of her situation!! What can i do???

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Amanda Dams July 30, 2018 - 2:31 pm

I just found this blog and there are so much emotion and truth in it, all I can say is keep going. You are a beautiful couple and by writing this blog and sharing your experiences, you are helping many other people as well.

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mycancerandme April 24, 2019 - 10:55 pm

im so glad ive found this blog – its simply beautiful (as are you btw) – I am disabled although ambulant and have a military hubby – and ive experienced the Oh that’s your husband !!?!? .

Anyways wishing you well – stephanie

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Codi Darnell April 25, 2019 - 5:20 am

Thank you Stephanie! People and their assumptions, right?

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