Every morning when I wake up, I feel a few moments of normalcy. Not much has changed in the way of opening my eyes and saying a sleepy “good morning” to my husband and whichever child has decided to take residence in our bed during the night. But when Ian stands up and easily walks the few steps to the bathroom, I feel a familiar wave of grief.
There is not a morning that goes by where those few impossible steps to the bathroom don’t taunt me. I push myself up to sit in bed and look at my wheelchair. It doesn’t get easier. I look at that chair every morning and take a few moments to acknowledge that having a spinal cord injury really sucks. And then I make a choice, every day, to get into the chair anyway. It is so important to make the choice to keep living but it is equally important to allow yourself the losses and the pain; give yourself permission to wait in your grief when it comes.